Morgan’s family had a history of incompetent cervix but doctors brushed her off since there is no proof of a genetic relationship. Here is her story.
My name is Morgan Allen. My husband and I have been longing to be parents for a while now. It seems like forever, actually. Prior to my recent/last pregnancy, we had a miscarriage at 10 weeks. I just knew something was wrong when we continued to try getting pregnant and it took so long. I went from doctor to doctor and no one could find anything.
Finally, a doctor put me on a certain medication that helped get some of my levels right and helped me to get pregnant within a month of taking it! May 2019 we found out we were pregnant! We were so happy and I was so calm considering the medication I was on, also helped against miscarriages. So, I felt like I was going into this pregnancy ahead versus last time. Time went on and everything was healthy with our baby. We found out it was a girl and went crazy with the shopping, nursery decorating, and plans for her. We picked a name. Hollyn Rae Allen. It fit so nicely and we were so blessed. Every appointment we went to she was such an active little girl and so healthy!
“everything was healthy with our baby.”
Let me make sure to add that during both pregnancies... When we went to the doctor my Mom told the doctors her concerns due to her and my cousin BOTH having an incompetent cervix. She told the doctors both times that she feels like it is not just a coincidence that my cousin and her both had it. Both times we were told that there was nothing they could do..because incompetent cervix was not proven to be genetic..and that there was no way to really find it until it became a problem. That left my mom very uneasy. I continued my pregnancy without fear though. I was confident this one was going to be THE ONE and we'd have our little girl home before no time.
At 22 weeks I started spotting and instantly cried. Yes, this can be very normal in pregnancies..but I was scared. I called the on-call doctor and she assured me that it was normal. I had a check-up appointment that same day and I told the doctor my concerns about the spotting. LUCKILY, he was not one to just blow it off and say it was normal..he checked me. When he checked me..he found out that I had an incompetent cervix and was internally dilated 2 cm. He told me to go to the hospital immediately and I was going to be put on bed rest. I was scared. I didn't know what any of this meant for me or for Hollyn. One thing I was scared of..was premature birth. They gave me medication to help stop her from coming and I was on bed rest a little over a week.
“I had an incompetent cervix and was internally dilated 2 cm...I was scared. I didn’t know what any of this meant for me or for Hollyn.”
At 23 weeks and 4 days I started bleeding again, but this time a lot. The nurses rushed me to triage and told me that the baby was coming, I was completely dilated, and she was breached. My doctor decided to do a C Section due to her being breached. At 1:36 am on October 2, 2019, Hollyn Rae Allen was born. She cried, she was breathing on her own. For a baby that was only 23 weeks and 5 days..doctors and nurses kept commenting on how surprised they were that she didn't need immediate help breathing. They were surprised she cried and even looked as good as she did. She was beautiful. She was a perfect combination of my husband and me. She was taken to NICU and I was left to recover from my c section. 2 hours after birth, she started having trouble. She needed assistance breathing and she got a tear in her lung. From there, more things started to go downhill for her. Her little body just couldn't fight as hard as she was trying to. My husband and I held her until she took her last breath. She lived a total of 8 hours.
“My husband and I held her until she took her last breath. She lived a total of 8 hours. ”
Incompetent Cervix took my firstborn. I got released to come home with no baby in my hands. I came home to an empty nursery and left with a c section to recover from. I am longing every day for my baby back knowing there’s nothing I can do. Doctors tell me that now when we decide to try again for a baby.. they have resources. They can do a cerclage next go around. But what about this one. What about Hollyn? Why did I have to lose her and THEN find something for me to do to be able to have a baby? I have a baby, she's now in heaven. My hope is that one day...SOMEONE..somewhere decides to do more research. No one wants to lose their first baby before they can have something to do to help them. Save us a little pain, do something. We need more research for incompetent cervix.
“What about Hollyn? Why did I have to lose her”
Update 10/23/19 - I started my blog to not only have an outlet to be able to vent and share my feelings..but to be able to be relatable to other Angel Baby Mamas. Losing a child is the worst nightmare any parent could possibly face.
I know in my situation.. it’s helped to know that my feelings are not wrong. My feelings are real and raw. It helps to know you’re not alone. There can be a million people on your side praying for you but until you hear someone feels the exact pain you feel..you still feel alone. So that’s why I’m writing. To give angel mamas awareness and let them know they are not alone.