Sheree’s Story

I found out I was pregnant in January 2018. I had a lletz procedure performed 2 years prior as I had CIN3 pre-cancer cells across my whole cervical surface area.  

 I told my midwives about this at my first booking appointment and they put me under the care of a consultant. Every fortnight I had internal cervical scans to monitor my length as the baby got heavier, I didn’t think much of it as my cervical length wasn’t changing. I felt like a nuisance to the consultant every time I came in as my cervix was OK and I hadn’t had a previous loss like the other women at the clinic with me. I was told I was lucky to be monitored as usually women have at least one late miscarriage to find out they have IC.

 I continued working and selling my handmade items at pop-up shops in London. I had my fetal anomaly scan on a Friday at 21 weeks. On Saturday and Sunday, I sold my knitting at a shop and was standing up/lifting things as usual. 

 I could feel a kind of... irritating tapping/fluttering sensation in my cervix that I thought was the baby kicking me low down. I think if I wasn’t working I would have paid more attention to the feeling but I didn’t. 

 Monday I felt like my waters might have been leaking so went into the hospital to be checked and was told that everything was fine (apparently). Wednesday was my cervical check, my last appointment as I was 21 weeks pregnant. I’ll never forget this day... 

 I had my bag on ready to go to work after the 8 am appointment and as my consultant scanned me she told me I needed to call my work as I wouldn’t be able to go in that day, or for the rest of my pregnancy, my cervix was shortening (2cm) and she wanted to perform an emergency cervical stitch straight away. She didn’t want me to leave the hospital because I might go into labour but she let me go home to pack a hospital bag for myself with an emergency stitch booked for first thing the next morning. I was so scared to leave the hospital in case something happened between there and my house. 

 The next day I had the stitch and was put on strict bed rest. The consultant said my cervix was about 1.5cm and I was under local anaesthetic so I could see how hard it was for them to perform the procedure. She was physically sweating and covered in my blood when she finished. 

 I spent the next 2 weeks on hospital bedrest and was then sent home to do bedrest in my house, limited to only the sofa/my bed from 21 weeks - 36 weeks. I was allowed 1 hour a day to stand/shower/use the bathroom. I felt terrified and trapped. My blood pressure started to become high and I started having Braxton hicks contractions while at home meaning that I had to get cabs into the hospital frequently (wasn’t allowed to drive or use public transport) to be checked by the DAU unit. I was put on sick pay as unable to work, it’s not much (£200 a month) so most of my money was spent on cab journeys. I developed de Quervain's (baby wrist) in both of my hands and was so lonely and sad. 

 I ended up back in the hospital on bed rest because of my blood pressure not being lowered by any of the medications I was on... I had lots of negative side effects like being unable to read, blurred vision, bad headaches. The only thing I could relate to on TV was prison documentaries. I felt trapped, alone, and misunderstood by people in my life telling me to “stay positive” or that “everything would be fine” when I tried to speak about my worries. I cancelled my baby shower.

 I began to hallucinate in the hospital at 35 weeks and I'm not sure if that happened as a reaction to all of the medications or that I was not being allowed any rest. Every hour or so I was being woken up to take fragmin for my bed rest, progesterone pessaries for my cervical stitch and all of the blood pressure medications at regular intervals throughout the night. They were also taking my blood pressure frequently... I was getting maybe 1-2 hours of solid sleep a night while I was in the hospital. After the hallucinating incident at ward rounds (I kept seeing clowns peeking around my room/trying to make me take medication and was unable to move to press the bell for a midwife), I spoke to a doctor and they said they would induce me that day as it wasn't safe for me to stay pregnant anymore. I had just turned 36 weeks pregnant that day.

 They removed my cervical stitch using gas and air and I was induced via pessary, labour started and over 2 days I became 5cm dilated. My high blood pressure affected my placenta and with every contraction, my baby's heart rate was reducing... My waters hadn't broken but I had none left. I was told I had to have an emergency C section where the anaesthetic did not work properly (only half of my body was going numb.) There were so many Drs in the room, the anaesthesetists, cervical stitch consultant, NICU staff, blood pressure Drs. It was a terrible overwhelming experience. My daughter was born 5lb 2 oz so they didn't take her to the NICU, but my skin-to-skin contact was minimal and I couldn't see her face where they placed her on my body...

 I'm currently pregnant again (20 weeks) and have had an elective cervical stitch this time. It's bringing up a lot of the trauma from last time as I get closer to the gestation that things went wrong last time. Ultimately my stitch held and kept me pregnant 3 years ago so I'm hoping it happens again. The thing that upsets me now is the comments from people who do not understand what it's like to have IC... the 'at least baby is here and safe' or '36 weeks is OK, it could have been worse’... I developed severe Post Natal Depression which impacted my quality of life, luckily I always felt a connection to my daughter through all of my depression and grief.